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Army Of Two Review

Author: Franky Moops & Franky Moops
Thursday, 8 May 2008
Xbox 360)


How much cash does it take to get a couple of big guys in hockey masks to press their buttocks together as they shoot to kill a dancing circle of bad guys- Not much, as EA drops another piteous title.

Let’s get one thing straight from the start. I expect a lot out of a game. At $100 a pop, I’m sure a few people do. For the same price I’ll be purchasing GTA IV and I assure you there will be no comparison. This game just didn’t feel finished to me. Two-player mode is still pretty fun, shoot a guy here, shoot a guy there. The mercenary protagonists you control throw some whimsical remarks back and forth, slap each other on the arse and continue their killing tirade. But after a while, it all kind of becomes the same. The locations lack detail and atmosphere, everything is over-lit and graceless. The dialog doesn’t help either, feeling bland and staged. It’s like two strangers reading bad one-liners from cue cards. In separate rooms.

The basic premise is that you kill for money, and you rubbish the army while doing it. EA have also thrown in a little sweetener with something called ‘aggro’. This is where one of you shoot crazily at the enemy, who then forget that there were two of you, and the other sneaks up and takes them out. Simple. Also if one of you gets injured, then the other can drag you to safety where they’ll perform difficult onsite medical procedures. This normally takes two seconds and then you’re good to go.

This game is best played with two people or over Xbox Live. It was made to be played by two people (hence the name); hence as a single-person shooter it just doesn’t pack the same punch. Don’t get me wrong here; it’s an OK game. If you’re into killing a hell of a lot of people and doing it with a buddy, then this is your ticket to ride. You also get some fantastic weapons and GPS that really tells you where to go. You get to do things like swap weapons, buy new weapons (with money you get for killing) and high-five your mate.

I think I’m just getting too old for all this killing, as suddenly Wii Sports is looking inviting. I had high expectations for Army Of Two. All the online trailers leading up to its release looked fantastic (damn video editors), but the resulting gameplay spikes from moments of full intense action to boring repetitive segments. The concept had potential but the end game was rushed. Let’s hope EA invests the extra time before they hit us with ‘Army Of Three’ (but it will probably be out for Christmas).