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Top Five Festival Suggestions

Author: News
Wednesday, 12 December 2007
Silly season is here and we've got the five most essential items you'll need to get through the multitude of festivals headed your way.

One - Sneakers
Heels are the cursed faux pas of any festival. It's always the bloody same: "Oh! I've got to look my best and that means wearing shoes that aren't the most comfortable, but it should be okay, I'm sure the day won't be THAT long and the ground won't be THAT uneven."

Girls, festivals aren't about the looks...which brings us to point number two.

Two - Uninteresting Clothing
NO GRAFFITI SINGLETS
NO BACKWARDS VISORS
NO JEANS HANGING AROUND THE KNEES
NO FUCKING FLUORO!

Enough said.

Three - Money
Don't be one of those people that relies on an ATM being at the event. You know it's going to be busted and out of money by the time the first artist finishes, so there's no point thinking you'll be sorted at the venue. Your friends will be happier if you don't have to scrounge off them.

Four - Sunscreen
Ensure you have enough SPF 5000+. In fact, make sure you have enough for your friends as well. It kind of makes sense that, if you do intend to pass out from your preferred weapon of choice, you don't want to wake up resembling the 'after' shot of a tanning salon incident.

Five - No Requests
Nobody likes being annoyed while doing their thing on stage. DJ's don't like making up one-liners to ensure they don't get beaten up by the overly enthusiastic punter. If you hear anything that resembles "Ooh...I left it at home", or "Ooh...I forgot to bring it", or "If you could hear me, you'd know I was telling you to 'fuck off'", then your best bet is to just walk away. DJs are modest folk.

There...that's all you need to know, really. Just go and have a bloody good time, ensure you encompass the top five points and use the buddy system at all times.

We here at the offices can only do so much. We care for you lot, but you need to have patience in this game. In the immortally edited words of The Princess Bride's Miracle Max: "You rush a miracle...you get rotten miracles."
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